


Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

by Justanothershortstory_sofar



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Critical Role Femslash Week, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Multi, Past Character Death, Polymachina (Critical Role), cr femslash week, moonlight/canon bisexuals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 05:58:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17461916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justanothershortstory_sofar/pseuds/Justanothershortstory_sofar
Summary: On the anniversary of Vox Machina defeating Vecna, Keyleth finds herself sleepless.  Fortunately, she’s not the only one awake, this year or the years to follow.





	Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Year One

Keyleth was late.   In her defense, she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to come.  Her breath fogged before her as she stepped from the tree in the center of Zephrah to the Sun Tree in Whitestone.  Night had fallen along with a thin layer of snow, crunching against her feet. She wasn’t dressed for the weather, but the mantle on her shoulders kept her warm.  The moon shone clearly in Whitestone tonight, casting the whole town with eerie light reflected off the glistening snow. 

The hairs on the back of her arms prickled.  It’s been a while since she’s been in battle, but she can tell when someone is watching her.  Strengthening her grip on her staff, she spins around. 

For a moment, just a split second, she thinks the dark figure is Vax.  Even when the hood drops and the face emerges from shadows, she’s shaken for a moment.  

“Keyleth,”  Vex pulls her into a hug, still shaken by what she thought she saw.  “It’s good to see you.”

Keyleth closes her eyes, allowing herself to melt into the hug.  Her nostrils filled with the smell of Vex, like pine in the woods.  She doesn’t need to say anything, just nod. 

“I’m afraid you’ve missed everyone else,”  Vex pulls away, still holding Keyleth’s hands in both of hers.  “Scanlan and Pike came by, brought Grog and Kaylie, had a nice afternoon.”

“I’m sorry.”  Keyleth dips her head, letting a few of her short red curls fall over her face. 

“Shh, it’s fine.”  Vex smiles, tucking Keyleth’s hair away from her face.  “You’re here now. Percy will be so happy to see you, darling.  Not to mention Trinket and I! You’ll stay for a little while, won’t you?  There’s a festival happening soon, a celebration of the anniversary and all that.”

“I don’t know.” Keyleth looks back to the Sun Tree.  “Maybe it’s best if I’m not there.”

“Bullshit.”  Vex begins to pull her to the castle.  “Have a drink with me.” 

Quickly, before she thinks Vex can see, she wipes a few tears from her eyes.  Barely moments after arriving, she’s seated in a hall by a roaring fire, Trinket filling the room with his low, soft snores.  

Vex moves in and out from one room to the next, shedding layers of clothing and fetching various items.  

“You see,”  she talks with Keyleth from the next room, “I had this hunch that you’d be there sometime.  It’s been a while since we talked but- Oh no, I’m fine. Just having a nightcap.”

Vex presses a copper mug into Keyleth’s hand, filled with a warm and cloudy amber liquid. 

“It’s cider, darling. I tend to only keep the light liquors out when Scanlan and Grog are about.  Then again,” Vex pulls a slender steel flask from her loose pant pocket, pouring a generous measure into her mug, “There’s nothing wrong with a little extra courage.”  

“Why do you need courage, Vex?”  Keyleth sips her cider slowly. Despite being what Vex called “light liquor,” it burned going down, setting a small fire in her stomach.  

“Because,”  Vex pauses, considering her next few phrases.  “I need to talk with you about my brother.”

Keyleth’s heart leaps into her throat.  Of course, that’s what Vex wanted to discuss.  Of course, the conversation she’s been skirting for the past year is happening now.  

“Keyleth, it’s been a year.  The rest of us have hardly seen you, which is partly my fault, Percy and I have our hands full, but that’s no excuse.”  Vex strokes her arm, ever so gently. “Do you want to talk? We don’t have to.”

“I’m ready,”  Keyleth nods. “Or, as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Okay,”  Vex says.  “I want to make sure that you’re okay, Kiki.  What’s going on in that wonderful head of yours?”

“How’s this for a start,”  Keyleth puzzles through how to phrase this.  “When you met me at the Sun Tree tonight, for a moment, I thought you were Vax.”

“I take it you haven’t tried seeing anyone new?” Vex wrinkles her brow. “You know, it’s healthy for you to try?”

“I can’t, or I don’t think I can… And it’s not the only time,” Keyleth’s words begin to spill from her, “Vex, I see him everywhere.  In every dark corner, every shadowy night, in every fucking raven I think of him, and I think of her. Vex, I don’t know… I don’t know if I’ll ever stop seeing him. I don’t know if I ever want to stop seeing him.”

“I see him too.” Vex murmurs. “I had Percy cover all of the mirrors. Still can’t look at myself without feeling the part of him that’s missing from me.”

“Darling, why are you making drinks on your own—“ Percy stops mid-sentence in the doorway. “Keyleth!”

He rushes to her, enveloping her into a warm hug like they used to all the time, back when Vox Machina wandered and fought and loved all together. 

“We were worried, it’s been so long! I suppose this is why you made drinks! Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. May I join?” 

“Of course,” Keyleth dries her eyes. Percy waltzed into the next room, returning with a scotch in hand. 

“Vex, why was this bottle hidden so far back?” He smiles, sitting next to his wife, kissing her hand entwined in his. “Grog never looks that hard for scotch.” 

“But Scanlan sure does,” Vex winks. “You found it, that’s what matters.”

The fire crackles, dying down in the late hour to smoldering coals. Vex returns to the matter at hand. 

“I suppose that’s why I wanted to talk with you again; he might have been my twin, but there were parts of him that I never knew. Not really, at least.”

“Oh, I don’t think there were many secrets between us, er, between Vox Machina, really.” Keyleth smiles a little into her cider. “Vax was open with you.”

“Please,” Vex laughs. “My brother was many things. Open was never one of them.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Keylet sets down her now empty mug of cider. “It’s been lovely talking. I should…” she trails off with all the things she should do. She should have come earlier, kept in touch with her family. She should have talked with Pike and Scanlan and Grog too, she shouldn’t have come unannounced to Whitestone. She should leave. 

She should stay with Vex. 

“Stay the night,” Vex says, firmly. Not a question, this is a decree. 

“I don’t want to be an imposition,” Keyleth starts  

“Stay the night,” Percy agrees.   “I know, you’re powerful and all that, don’t have much need for resting between tree hops, but it would be nice to have you here.”  

“Alright.”  Keyleth nods, taking another swig of her drink.  

“Well, I am tired out for the night.”  Percy kisses Vex, then stands, brushing off his pants of any wrinkles.  “Sleep well.” 

 

The night Keyleth had feared the most was passing with her hardly noticing.  She and Vex sat by the fire, entwined in the warmth from the dying embers and each other.    The first, then a second and a third round of drinks were made and sipped at slowly, as they talked:  about Vax, but about life, and back to Vax, and what he would be proud of. 

Vex started to fall asleep around two, a perfectly reasonable reaction, one that Keyleth almost never felt.  

“Vex, you should go to bed.”  Keyleth pulls her up to a standing position.  Vex yawns. 

“I don’t want to wake Percy,”  She presses her lips together. “Here, I’ll sleep with you.  You haven’t slept well without Vax, and I’ve never slept well alone.”

Keyleth opens her mouth to protest, but Vex presses a finger against her lips.  

“My tolerance has really changed since we stopped fighting monsters on the regular,”  Vex mutters. “Here, I got a room ready for you.” 

 

Keyleth falls asleep, Vex’s arm across her torso.  

 

Year Two

Keyleth spent more time with Vex and Percy that year, oftentimes ending the same way or similar to that night a year ago. She and Vex, or Percy, or all three of them, curled into a single bed after a long day. 

She was powerful, now. Keyleth could leave Zephrah at twilight and return before dawn, ready to lead her people. 

The first year without Vax, without Vox Machina, really, was tough. And she was embarrassed in the way she felt she hadn’t led her people enough.  But this year was almost… easier. She was back to a rhythm she understood, where she leads her people, taught children how to grow flowers, and found her way to bed with Vex and Percy.  

The morning of the second anniversary of Vecna’s defeat, and Vax’s death, Keyleth woke to Vex, lazily running a finger along the black tattoo spiraled around her arms. 

“Happy anniversary,” Vex kissed her shoulder. 

“Is it happy?”  Keyleth mutters. 

“Darling, it’s more than just Vecna and Vax.”  Vex sits up, stretching. “It’s been a year since we got you back.”  

 

That summer, Vex gave birth after a long labor.  Pike was there to guide her through, burning sweet smelling incense and applying creams to Vex’s belly.  

Keyleth held one of Vex’s hands, Percy took the other.  Vex squeezed tight enough for red marks to line Keyleth’s wrist.  

And six hours later, Vex and Percy had a daughter, beautiful and shining.  

It was bittersweet for Keyleth, who walked out of the room to keep from crying.  Vex was… getting the future she wanted, almost. And now there was another little one in the world, who one day would remind Keyleth of her mother and her uncle.  She’d long since known that she would outlive almost everyone she met, certainly all of Vox Machina. But Vex’s kids, and grandkids, she was not prepared to lose.    
Again, she felt that ache.  There was a reason semi-immortals were isolated.  With the knowledge and pain of a hundred lifetimes, no sane person would want to continue to lose people…

“Darling?”  Vex leans against the doorframe.  

“Vex!”  Keyleth turns to her, wiping her face.  “What are you doing, you shouldn’t be standing!”

“I was going,”  Vex groans. “To ask you the same thing.  You’re crying, and you aren’t even the one who gave birth.  Now come on. I want you to hold her.” 

  
  
  
  


Year Three

Time was starting to blur for Keyleth.  She slept at strange times, more out of Whitestone again.  She would return to Vex and Percy and see their daughter, growing bigger as Keyleth watched.  

For all the time spent apart, they were good at getting back together.  Keyleth couldn’t pinpoint the time that Vex and Percy thought of her as part of their marriage as much as each other, though she had her insecurities.  

This time, for the reunion of Vox Machina, she was there early, helping Vex set up for the gathering.  The anniversary had become a celebration beyond Vox Machina, reaching the width and breadth of Tal’Dorei, sometimes surpassing Winter’s Crest in festivities.  But now, Keyleth served a different purpose, carrying Vex’s daughter in a sling in a far-fetched attempt to walk her to sleep. As Keyleth wandered the town of Whitestone, Mantle of the Tempest dragging in the snow behind her, she listened to the laughing of children, throwing snow at each other.  Mugs clicked together in the taverns, and young couples wandered the streets. Her hand rested on the still-fuzzy head, just now blinking her bright blue eyes with drowsiness. 

A raven circled around her, cautious before perching on her shoulder.  Keyleth took a bit of berry from her waist pouch, offering it to the bird.  

“Hey there, Vax.”  She smiled. “You don’t mind, do you?  Me and Vex and Percy?”

The raven takes the berry from her hand.  He caws once, turning his head in almost confusion.  

“Oh, you know what I’m talking about.”  

The raven rubs against her head.  He flies away from her then, swooping off into the distance.  

“I’m never going to be able to tell, am I?  If it’s you, or my thoughts, or if it’s her messing with me, or just a… raven looking for a snack.”  

She rubs the berry juice off on her shirt.  

“It doesn’t matter, does it?  I’d do the same things every time.”  

  
  


Year Four

“Darlings, I can’t quite tell where I’m going!”  Vex laughs. 

“Keep the blindfold on, just a little while longer!”   Percy takes hold of her elbow, leading her to a table in the middle of the room. “I promise, it’s worth it.”  

Keyleth guides Vex the last few steps.     
“You’re going to love it.”  

“Okay, take the blindfold off.”  

Vex fumbles with the sky-blue cloth for a moment, finally pulling it off in a moment of triumph.  

“Oh!”  Vex takes in the project before her.  

Twelve months of work, this took.  An insanely elaborate moving clock, with hundreds of tiny figurines.  At the bottom, five chromatic dragons spray fire, poison, ice, acid, and electric bolts.  Monsters and demons and foes faced by Vox Machina from K’Varn to the Briarwoods, Kevdak, and Vecna.  At the center of it all, in various poses of battle stood Vox Machina: Vex, back pressed against Percy, both firing at enemies in opposite directions,  Scanlan, sat atop Bigby’s hand reading from a tome, Pike flying on glowing wings of Sarenrae, Grog, grinning as he swings his axe, Keyleth surrounded in a whirlwind, hand raised,  and to her back, Vax, wings lifting him higher, with the slyest of grins on his face and a dagger betwixt two of his fingers. 

With the press of a button, each of the figurines takes an attack, until doors slide closed, covering the monsters, leaving Vox Machina.  

“Oh, darling.”  Vex smiles, “So this is what you two have been up to! It’s wonderful.”  

 

  
Year Five

It was five years, now, wasn’t it?  

Some days it felt like yesterday, some days an eternity ago.  

Keyleth woke to see the dawn, she closed her eyes to fall asleep again,  Vex’s arm over her, Percy’s face nestled into the crook of her back. 

Life was strange.  

She still felt that urge to go, to save herself from loss again.  Keyleth did the math in her head sometimes. She knew who would die first from their average lifespans, knew that before they could even process they would lose Grog and Percy first.  Next would be either the gnomes or Vex, depending on how much Scanlan exaggerated his age. Then, it would be just Keyleth. She’d have shadows of Vox Machina, memories in the spaces they once were, like Vax.  

Keyleth would always have ravens, probably.  It was a curse, that she wasn’t the one to go with Vax.  Would have made everything easier. 

 

Fuck that.  

 

She was living, and fuck that and fuck the gods, but there was a reason.  She felt that purpose for every morning like this. She felt it when she laughed with Vox Machina when she taught the young druids of the Air Ashari how to beast-shape.  She felt it with every kiss placed on her cheek by Percy, every caress from Vex. Every giggle from their daughter. 

 

“Eventually, I’ll see you again,”  Keyleth whispers, to herself mostly.  “The long way around, I’ll make it back to you, my love.”  

To Vax, to Vex, to Percy, to their children; to Pike and Scanlan and Grog and her mother and her father, 

“I’ll see you again, someday.”  

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and be sure to check out more fanfics with this prompt as part of Critical Role Femslash week!  
> XOXO,  
> Just (zoetriestobecoolbutnope on Tumblr)


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